Whose Day Did You Ruin?

 

beth in leggings

 

My partner bought this dress/top for me right before we went on a cruise and I wore it on our special date night with a pair of black leggings and some white slip on sandals. It was perfect for a cruise and we both got a kick out of the dress, the way it fit, the way the bottom swings when I twirl, the colors in it, and the way she instinctively knew how perfect it would be for me.

 

When my friend Yvonne asked me to go to a showing of The Sound of Music tonight, I was definitely up for it. We both adore The Sound of Music and she found a group that was showing it on a big screen, complete with audience sing along and some people in costumes. It was a fun, unique event and I wanted to look cute so I picked this adorable dress. I paired it with the same black leggings from the cruise , only this time, I added a pair of funky Sketcher heels. Even put on some lip gloss and added a little shrug. I felt sassy and cute and ready to have a fun evening.

After I was dressed, but before it was time to leave, I logged on to Facebook on my phone leggings memeand I saw this meme posted by a friend. She had gotten quite a few likes on it, and several comments, including one woman who said there should be weight limits on certain kinds of clothing. Then I made the mistake of clicking on the original post and reading some of those comments. And I realized that no matter how I surround myself with super supportive friends and loved ones, no matter how much time I spend with my tribe of women who love me and think I am the sexy, beautiful goddess that I am, there are still hundreds or thousands of people out there looking at me and judging me negatively because of the size of my body. Despite all of my years of self work, and my ultra-confidence, and my happiness with my adorable outfit, I suddenly felt like nothing more than a fat woman in leggings. I was so hurt, I got a knot in my stomach and I seriously considered not even leaving the house. Because I am a self-love teacher, I want to say that I went out anyway and had an amazing time. I did. But friends, I put on a pair of jeans instead and it changed the whole feel of the outfit. And when I changed, a small part of me knew that I was hiding and acting out of fear and shame. I let someone else’s bad opinion of me form my own bad opinion of myself.

I shook it off. I had a great time with my friend and I enjoyed the sing along and I laughed and danced and watched a movie I love. Tomorrow, or the next day, or the next time I go out, I will wear my sassy outfit and I’ll feel good in it again. But for tonight, just for tonight, my heart was broken by the fact that no matter how much love I put out into the world, there are still people who think that they have a right to define how I dress. And worse, I let them. As I said, I shook it off. I shook it off because I have done so much self work and I am proud of myself and I do believe in my value and beauty and awesomeness. But there are people out there who don’t. And somewhere, someone is seeing a meme like that or other mean-spirited memes and they *aren’t* shaking it off. Someone’s day has been ruined by something like that. Someone is crying because of the weight of all of the judgment of people who haven’t yet learned that the only person they have a right to judge is themselves.

This is why I teach self love classes…. because there are people out there who judge you for one reason or another. There are people out there who, purposely or not, will ruin your day or your week or your life. And there will ALWAYS be people judging you. No matter how evolved you are and no matter how you surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, there are still always going to be haters. Self love is about learning that *you* are the one who gets to define how you feel, that *you* get to choose to love yourself, that you get to decided how to dress your body, or whether or not to wear that bikini. You get to dance or not. You get to have the pure pleasure of knowing that your body, your beautiful body has carried you this far in life, and will hopefully carry you a little further. No one else has the right to tell you what is right for your body. No one.

 

 

 

 

 

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19 Comments

Filed under My Life

19 responses to “Whose Day Did You Ruin?

  1. Deep love, Beth. You keep rocking that beautiful body of yours. I think if there were less self-hate in the world people wouldn’t look to judge others. Heck yeah! Beth, goddess in leggings! If small minds can’t handle it, I feel sad for their small souls.

  2. 368Tadoo

    You’re fucking beautiful. Unfriend that asshole.

  3. onamarae

    Reblogged this on The Other Side and commented:
    I take great pride in calling the wise woman who is the author of this blog a friend. She has taught me so much, and I have yet to take the classes. But I will. Because I know what she is talking about and live it. I’m grateful that she takes her immense talent for writing to express the pain so many of us feel, and the hope that we can transcend that pain…at least sometimes. And maybe even more than that. Read on, friends.

  4. Lorraine Howell

    Thank you, my dear friend, for being brave enough to post this. You could have just saved a life. You are beautiful and give the best hugs ever. I am proud to call you my friend.

  5. chaisipper

    “You get to dance or not.” This.

  6. pinkcrush1112

    Oh, so much truth here. When that ugliness slips through all that love and beauty – it is a double gut punch for me. I actually have been wanting to blog about this myself. How self love is a continuing commitment to love ourselves through the doubt, hurt and fear. When those whispers of self hate manage to rear their mean little heads, feelings of failure or fraud aren’t far behind. A nasty little spiral of self loathing commences . Loving myself is something I must choose every day. Even when I couldn’t choose the day, of hour before. Even when I get lost in darkness of doubt, self love beckons me back. Your words meant everything today. Love. Andi

  7. I don’t know you, neither have I ever read anything you’ve written but your beautiful soul comes through in your writing in such a way that the reader can’t help but be touched by your words. For that reason, and because self loathing, body shaming and the inevitable pain that goes along for the ride, are subjects close to my heart, I will share this blog far and wide. If it touches the heart of even one Judgy McJudge-a-lot (most of whom must be pretty unhappy themselves – why else would you honour of your way to hurt someone else?), it’s a win.

    Thank you for writing this, beautiful Beth.
    I see you. X

  8. Thank you for posting this. I applaud you for your courage and admire you for being able to ‘shake it off.’ Many of us aren’t able to do that yet. x

  9. Barb Newman

    God bless her. She is beautiful just the way she is. Screw the judgemental pricks of the world. They are the unhappy ones. So go ahead Beth, relish in your beauty and self love. You are perfect just they way you are and you are enough!!

  10. Barb Newman

    God bless her. You are beautiful just the way you are. Screw the judgemental pricks of the world. They are the unhappy ones. So go ahead Beth, relish in your beauty and self love. You are perfect just they way you are and you are enough!! And I don’t even know you. But I have known that feeling. Again. You are enough!

    • I think it is so important to note that the friend who posted that meme is not a mean-spirited person… but that it is equally important to point out to someone when they are posting things that are cruel and hurtful to people. I know she wouldn’t ever hurt someone on purpose in real life. So why do so on social media?

  11. Liz Gibson

    I just read this…. Love you Beth!
    In my world, my survival technique is to feel sorry for those poor people who think they hate me, when they haven’t had the opportunity to get to know who I am, what I stand for, or how wonderful I might be. It’s pure ignorance on their part. I try hard not to give away my power to them, by letting their comments get to me. They get through alright – on days when things aren’t going my way or whatever. But there are also times when someone says something and I just laugh and laugh – in their face. It’s actually fun – they get this really weird look and smile on their face, not understanding my reaction at all… They expected me to get mad, or storm off, so they could laugh at me. instead I am laughing at them. It works really well!

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